A Place in Your Arms

What Place do you remember?
https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/45678464/posts/1551061003

~
I remember being in your arms. real or imagined. Tanned, strong, warm. The fire is crackling and popping in front of us and you are whispering me how much you love me in my ear as I grin. Sound moves the air around me and tickles my ear and neck. Warm. It feels so nice as you play with my arm, creating the gentlest circles, carving paths there. But I know in the back of my mind not to believe you. Though I have no reason to think this. Because I know you are probably a great person. You seem like you are. Something about how nice you feel, makes my mind riot in believing. But the glass of wine, and the gentle rhymic cracle of the fire humming through the air, and the strong arms coiling me tighter, turns off my fighting reflex. And I start to sink instead.

I feel myself falling asleep, gentle sounds, feelings, smell around, and those words still on the tip of my thoughts, you repeating them over and over like a chant to me as I drift down lower and lower. And I am going down, till i find am in water with seaweed in my mouth and hair and I’m spitting it out, salt. And looking about.
Bluish water, pebbles underfoot, and watery flowy plants.

And then I rise a moment later, and I pull up out of it, and wake up back in the apartment. And you are gone. I put on my flip flops and wander out into the apartment tentatively looking around. But I am met with empty corners instead. I am going outside without a thought on it, the feel of the cold air, and smell of the smog both hitting me at once, the loud honking and engines on the side of me. People walk and push past me, and look angrily at me cause I won’t get out of their way. And I walk like this. In this haze. Where did you go. I keep looking as if on a beach, if I keep at it I will find it. The treasure with golden blocks inside.

But there the streets wind like a maze that I am too tired to pursue. And so I sit on a bench next to a man rolling a cigarette. I put my head in my hands and I cry. I wanted so much for that dream to be true.

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Cats, cats, cats

Cats, cats, cats. When I walk down the street, what do you expect when everywhere you turn there are cats looking up at you?

It is kind of creepy to tell you the truth. The cats are not like the way I thought of cats when I was growing up and my mother got me a cat. Such a delightful little thing. It’s fur was so soft looking and a myriad of colors too. And I was so excited when I’d see it, I couldn’t help running toward it. Then I discovered it had claws and really good jumping powers.

It shrieked its loud howl, scratched my face and leaped away from me. I waddle to my mother crying for her to comfort me and make me feel better. My mother told me I had to be nicer and then the cat would like me. Sadly I tried but the cat never did like me. Loved my mother. I only got to watch it from afar. But eventually we got another cat, and I was a lot older then, and the cat loved me. It slept with me and I never ever grew tired of that cat.

But that was a long time ago. That cat is long gone. Cats and dogs remind you of mortality that way, because you eventually are going to have to watch them die and it’s going to rip the heck out of your heart. But there is nothing for that pain.

You just have to sit and bear it, and it kind of reminds you how no matter what, in the end you’ll probably be alone again. And it doesn’t matter how good the holidays may feel, when there are loved ones around. It’s all temporary. Like that song, we’re just a bit of dust in the wind.

Oh well. Time really is the only answer. I have had many other cats after that one. And the other ones, well I got used to having a pet. And it got easier after a while. Oh man what the heck am I thinking? I am boring you with my useless cat stories. You don’t want to hear any of that.

But I can’t really tell you how I got here either. My head is pounding though. The cats are all staring at me as I walk by. I am really wondering what they eat. And I hope it isn’t me! I am starving by the way.

Fortunately I am about to get some answers. Up ahead is what looks like the city center.

When I arrive in a large building, which must be city hall. It is white and extravagent, I see a man, or is it a cat? I look at his face, the finest traces of long thin hairs. His eyes are blue, but there is something off about his eyes, his pupils very slightly oblong, instead of round. He drums his hand on his desk, one pointed nail clinking at a time. He is definitely taller then me, and he uses that to his advantage as he stares down at me.

“I have known that you were here.” he says to me.

“Oh?”

“We don’t get a lot of guests. Would you care to tell me how you got here.”

“No I actually can’t do that.”

30 minutes part 2

30 minutes part 2
~a month ago~

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Sam and Matt face the cube staring at it as the blue glow shines on
their faces.
“What is it?”
“I don’t know, I was just messing with the computer in here and that
happened.”
“I knew you should have left that thing alone. This looks
dangerous.”
“Dangerous? I don’t know when I was using the computer I just felt
like I was part of something important.” Matts eyes gleamed as he
stares off in the distance. “We can’t stop now, we have to figure
out what is happening.” Sam gives a pleading look that says please
leave this be. But Matt looked past him with a determination that
can’t be stopped.
“I don’t like this.”
“I know and I’m sorry. But once we figure out what it is then and
only then will we know what to do with it.” Sam didn’t look
convinced. “Just give me a couple weeks. What if it can help the
people?” Sam was half tempted to agree with that.
“You can’t save them. Sometimes bad shit happens and there is
nothing no one can do about it. Just holding onto this is blind
hope and may end up just making everything worse then it already
is.”
“But if there is a chance shouldn’t we do everything in our power to
at least try? All I’m asking is two weeks, what could happen in two
weeks?” Sam shot back an angry look that said ‘a lot.’ “If I don’t
figure it out by then, we leave things as is and never walk back
into that building again. Can you give me that at least?”
“This is a really stupid bad idea.”
“You don’t know that. And I am not backing down, if you don’t help
me I’ll work on my own. Either way. You’d be better off agreeing
so you can watch over things.” Sam wanted to leave and say this
isn’t any of my business, but Matt had been there for him in the
past and he knew the one thing he couldn’t do was leave him here to
what is surely a huge disaster waiting to happen.
“Okay, I’ll help you. But you have to promise me one thing.”
“Whatever you want.”
“That you won’t let things go too far and if I say it is getting out
of hand, you have to listen to me.” Matt didn’t like to make this
promise. Sam’s definition of too far may be very different from
Matts but he had no choice.
“Yes of course. I promise.”

~

“Sam! Come here.”
“What is going on.”
“I’m not sure but I think the machine is interfacing with me.”
“What do you mean?”
“As I move my mouse on this labyrinth in the computer I feel
something happening in my head.” Sam has a look of horror on his
face.
“So why aren’t you shutting it off?”
“Well it’s kind of interesting. It doesn’t seem bad.”
“Shut it off.”
“But-” Sam reaches over and turns the computer off.
“That is an example of something creepy. It was in your head for
goodness sake?”
“It didn’t hurt.”
“Well what did it need to be doing there? We need to do a sweep of
this place and see if we can find any information on this computer.
Do not turn on that computer again until we do that.”
“Okay, but then I get an extra day.” Sam sighs and puts his face in
his palm.
They walk through the building and break into locked doors. Most of
the rooms seem like bunkers for soldiers to hold in.

The New and Old World

15,000 people in a line. The end of the world is coming today, watch out for it. He came to the front past all those people. He had on a sewn red cape hand stiched and tattered. He walked past them all. There was a giant boulder that went up a hundred miles in to the atmosphere making everyone feel like pale ants to it. On the other side was the new world. It glowed soft and light with its promises.

But no matter how great it seemed I had made a promise to keep on suffering in this world and so I stayed here with the criminals and the thieves and the people who would eat my bones like the vultures in a heart beat. And my one true love went on to the other side.  Her pink skirt blowing in the wind as she crossed the barrier and she looked back, searching.

And as I skulked the black streets now empty and abandoned. They had left it a ghost town and ready to try a new. I sit in the shadows. My knees bent and on my but rests on rusted metal and weathered cardboard. A man, homeless looking dirty face laying on the ground with a newspaper on his face is there.

Why aren’t you in the new world? I ask.

Where would I go, everything I ever loved was here and now that’s gone and all I have left are my memories.

Sometimes you have to do something different to be whole. What’s your name?

Albert. I am actually a scientist. I was one of the ones that allowed the seed to grow.

You look awful though. You should be thrilled.

No not really.

But humanity has a new start.

Do you think they deserve it? his body was contorted with tension.

No I guess no one deserves it but.

They trashed this place and when they new they were going into Eden they trashed it even harder. The fuckers don’t care. None of them really care.

But I thought you liked them, the people who became the scientists gave up their lives for them.

Well I changed my mind. I used to think it was great that it was the government that had caused everythign to be so fouled up and if we could just get them out of the picture everyones problems would be solved. It wasn’t till it was too late to stop it that I realized it is the people themselves that are mad, that are destructive. Every step of the way people bitterly moaned if only if only then it would have been different. While all the while going along with every bad article, that while other men suffered it was so convienent always to just not look. During the riots I saw man’s true face and I turned away. And that is why I will never go. I will never leave this place that so many are so willing to forget. What about you. Why are you here?

My wife went. She is so beautiful. But she never loved me. She married me anyway. I am not sure why. And she begged me to go. But for me this was my way out of it.

Did you love her?

So much I couldn’t bare it, everyday I saw her it tore me up with joy and passion, but when I looked in her eyes I knew she was only pretending. I’d never have had the strength to leave her any other way. And besides maybe it won’t be so bad.

Heh the homeless man said.  In a way that said don’t count on it.