Me Babbling About Stuff.. Blah Blah Blah

well I am almost in my second week of my programming class. Just like last week I am coming right on the deadline and turning in my assignment at the last minute. But I still feel comfortable with the work so far.

But what is bugging me is depression or sadness or something. I feel it creeping up at me at odd times, like when I am trying to work or inbetween projects. I have four main projects that I switch from. One is writing my book. Another is making graphics with Blender and Gimp for my game. I have not been publishing the game graphics I have made, because I am saving them for my game. The third is personal research that I am doing. And the fourth is the programming for the game.

So between all those I am kept plenty busy. And of course there is my family that I take care of, and the house that I hopefully keep decently clean as well. When my son starts school, I will be also balancing a job as well most likely.

But anyway, when I feel an emotion or something out of the ordinary for me, I want to understand where it has come from. I don’t just say, oh I am feeling suddenly this way and just completely ignore the possible reasons. So I am like a sleuth in my life, trying to figure out what is happening with me. I am like my own full time therapist/psychologist in tow. So it has been disconcerting to me that these feelings have been coming along, and it has also been harder to start things because of it. Well I never said I was a good emotion sleuth. It’s not like I actually know the answers. Just that I try.

Another thing that happened to me the other day, was that someone helped me break out of a very strong pattern of shyness by just letting me talk to them. And I found, as I generally do when this happens, the mortifying realization that I can’t seem to get myself to shut up once I do start talking. So I want to envision myself as some smooth talking person who can have a nice easy conversation that goes both ways, but instead I either say nothing hardly at all. Or even worse, my mouth becomes like a busy highway of never ending banal chatter.

Much like I am doing now… I am afraid. But I also think it is good for me too. It is good to do things to change the ingrained patterns, even though I am embarrassed by it.

Anyway this is more of a Dear Diary entry. But because I have had so much trouble posting anything for so long, I just have to put something down for now.

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So What mood are you in today?  And/Or  What sort of talker are you in a conversation?


3 thoughts on “Me Babbling About Stuff.. Blah Blah Blah

  1. My mood for today has been really well, one of the best days I’ve had in the past few weeks. The funny thing is, nothing has happened at all lol. I feel you on the moods and emotions, I find myself dealing with the same thing. Its fine if I’m busy, but as soon as I start thinking, it sneaks up to get me. I know that I don’t know you, but its great to get your feelings out there.

    Far as being shy goes, I recently got told I was the quietest person they have ever known, I just smiled at him lol. It makes it hard to meet and get to know new people, but I’m fine if I know you. Its only in person too, on here I don’t mind it. Don’t be embarrassed by it though, you have no need to be.

    • Oh that’s great to hear that you are having a great day! I realized that I saw this two days later… Somehow I have been getting confused tracking my comments i guess. So I guess maybe it’s not the same today, hopefully it is though cause that would be cool. 🙂
      Yeah sometimes it seems like moods can change and there is no real reason for it.
      Yeah it is nice to express oneself.. And anyway that is how people get to know one another, ya gotta start somewhere. But yeah I think it is really good to be able to talk and say what’s going on.
      Wow, the shyest person, yeah I am pretty shy too at times, and it can be a little hard for me at times, so that is why i am kind of trying to break out and do something different, hence posting blogs again.
      Okay, I will try to not be embarrassed. 😉 though I never know, sometimes it sneaks up on me out of nowhere.
      Thanks for the really good comment!

      • Your welcome. I’m not sure, but I see no problem with you talking online at least. You seem like a cheerful person, that means a lot. But, I’m not one to try and give advice on this lol.

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