Sometimes I find it hard to write…anything. I think that is interesting. How I have gone through different phases of writing to not writing. In my book that I had been working on, I have not been writing for it for a while. I think I mentioned this, but some of what I am working writing in it, is hard emotionally for me to go into. To have a writing day on the material I am covering, I have to be extremely with it. And if I am, I think I have a fairly decent writing time.
I am not of the opinion that someone who writes has to write every single day, or that anything in general has to happen. Hard and fast rules like this are deeply limiting. I think what it comes down to, is what is the goal of writing such and such? For me, it is not about publishing. I think maybe it was at one point. But I realized how personal this is for me, and this book I am writing is for me, and I write therefore, under my own terms. It is not to sell books. So it is for my growth more or less and nothing else.
It is interesting to me that I don’t know what to write about, because I think that it is something I should know. I mean it isn’t that hard to come up with a thought or an opinion about Something. Then again I find myself wanting to steer away from many different ideas because in some way I can usually find a way that a certain opinion is wrong. And I don’t want to commit myself to an opinion and go on believing something that turns out to be wrong.
So then I often don’t write anything. Or I haven’t for a long time. Actually putting something in this blog has been incredibly hard for a long time. Which is why I wasn’t writing. I would start to, or even just think about it and would then feel extremely off put by the idea and then just do something else and not think about it. It is only after recently having these feelings of feeling sort of isolated in my own world, that I realized that I want to reach out a little more, and to challenge my own limited behaviors a little.
But I was just thinking about how ridiculous it all is. And also that I want to connect to other people. Honestly at this point, that is what I want to do. Is meet other people who I might have something to talk about with. Or at least not feel I am completely alone in the world.
Sometimes I find I feel that way. And then I feel too ashamed to admit it. I hide. I guess that is the other reason why I might be writing, because I want to face all the limiting things I have put on myself when it comes to communication. I guess I’ll just have to see if it works, or if I just end up worse then before. Heh.
Interactive Time: Is there some things that are difficult to talk about and write about with others? And do you dare bring it up here?