Going on and on about nothing.

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Sitting here writing should be doing something else, and I have been attempting to push myself but so far falling flat. I don’t like my writing and I want to get better. So I have been reading other blogs that I like, hoping that all that talent will somehow soak into me and I will know what I am doing and submit something worth the time it takes to click and scan through. And once again setting my timer. I have for the first time started attempting short stories. I can never seem to finish what I started though and the beginning of stories is starting to pile up, all with no endings. Never an ending in sight, reminds me of a man in a desert hoping to get just a drop of water. But this is a draught and there is no lucky breaks.
I have read a lot lately. And still I don’t feel like I am seeing it come out in my writing. And I am thinking well of course not, because it takes more than that, I also have to be writing. (I am restaining myself from putting in exclamation points and often I feel very proud for that restraint, but this sentence misses it, so that last part to yourself in a scream.) I also have to be writing.
I listening to something fast paced as I write. I have no idea what that is doing to my writing. It will have to be something I experiment with.

I want to believe I can be a good writer because I am bad at so many other things. The real reason is I don’t like to push myself and mediocre is the acceptable resting place for me.

My children have just come up to me and I have lost any train of thought I had. I guess self loathing never does run dry so I pretty easily could pick up where I left off. I am not sure about my seven year old telling my three year old there are monsters hiding in the walls. Though he is giggling. Fun now, hopefully not a problem later.

But I digress. What is writing? What is the magic formula of words that make a good story happen? How to make the character, the plot, setting, villain, word choice flow? I think of writers as walking geniuses carrying within this ability to balance so many elements together and bringing it on the page in a way another person can read and get something from.

As I said I should not be writing. I am supposed to be cleaning for a get together tomorrow. I have been cleaning but I stopped to think and try again to express myself, hoping to have figured out that magic formula that so many others have learned. I think I am more just drifting in on the page rather than making any definite statements, maybe like one of those spectres. I’m a ghost of the blogs, hanging at other blogs reading and reading and trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing.

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12 thoughts on “Going on and on about nothing.

  1. You write because you have to. It’s therapeutic. I realized how much I loved writing when I started doing it every day… Just to get the emotions out. It’s only recently I began posting my thoughts ideas and story’s online. I love the feedback and the community. Keep writing.

    Erik
    http://erikconover.com

    • Thank you for taking the time to read and also to send a message back.
      Yes it is therapeutic, and for me it has been somewhat like climbing a mountain, where I am just wondering if i keep at it, will I be able to do it in the end? All I can do is keep writing and see. Thank you for the encouragement, it is much appreciated.

  2. I feel your pain and I too am my worst critic. I just have to keep reminding myself why I wanted to start writing in the first place, just need an outlet. The words I write are for me, if I start writing trying to get people to like my work, then it defeats the purpose. Don’t get me wrong, it is a great feeling for someone to say that they liked what I wrote, but it can’t be the main reason I am doing it.I am doing it to get something out of me that I just cannot do by talking to others, and don’t get me started on the thinking process!

    As you can see, I am rambling now, but I plan on just writing until it works, hope you do too!

    • Thank you for writing. You definitely were not rambling in my book. It’s good advice and I try to write for myself when I write. But I am also trying to pay attention and get better and thinking about some of the changes involved is a bit overwhelming at times lol. I guess baby steps.

      As far as reading other work and comparing, trying to learn, that is not a bad thing in my book. Seems necessary in the stage I’m in. Also we have the blogging world which is a great resource where we can all learn from each other. I am super glad to be a part of that.

      Although my sulking in a brooding post is probably not the most beneficial thing for me. lol. What can I say? I brood sometimes.

      I do hope we both keep writing until it works too. Thanks that made my day that you said that. ๐Ÿ™‚

      As you can see, I am definitely rambling now. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. Do my Blog A Day (B.A.D.) and that’ll get you motivated… then you take over from there. The one thing that you HAVE to have when you’re writing, is butt glue. And LOTS of it. everything is in your mind… you just have to make it come out. If your butt isn’t glued to a chair with your hand ready to write/type, the end results will be … drumroll please … nada. So, but glue and confidence. Don’t focus on whether it’s good or bad. Just get it out. Once it’s out, then you work on it. Happy writing!! (Once it becomes a chore, it’s not fun and you won’t be able to produce anything, so stay happy about it too!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. I think it’s great to have a place where you write, create your own space, where you can have a time for your thoughts; where you can read other blogs, comment and feel connected with people with same interests as you. I feel my blog as a special place for my soul where I can feed it and make my free time the most enjoyable time as possible. I also try to improve my English every day, as it’s not my maternal language.
    Great blog, love getting through it and reading it.

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