reposting a loss part 1

I have posted this once, but then I removed it.  I am just reposting it.


this is how I lost my job. this is how I lost who I thought at the time was the love of my life. this is how I had lost one part of my life up to that point.

My car rolled up to a darkened building. I stepped out and walked. I put my head in the door. Rows of top line graphic computers with teenage boys in front of them. “Merck. Can I speak to you?”
“Uh yeah sure.” He types something on his keyboard, pushes out his chair and power walks to the door.
I am standing in front of my car’s side door. The sky is black with just a few sparse stars. The block is lit up with a few neon buildings and street lamps.
“What is it?” he asks.
“I am breaking up with you.” I said.
“You’re always here. I don’t see you anymore.”
“I can stop doing that.”
“I don’t believe you. You’ve been here for three days. You didn’t think that would be a problem? It’s too late.”
“No we are not breaking up. It isn’t over yet. You can’t do this to me.”
“No!” his voice boomed and echoed into the streets.
“Okay. Fine. Whatever.” I got in my car and drove off, spinned off. As I did he walked back to the door of the building and went back in, his body disappearing into the rooms darkness.

I had decided not to go home. Instead I went to my exes house because I knew it would upset Merck. He didn’t like him, didn’t trust him. But my ex had been a long time friend of mine and we decided to stay friends even though we had stopped dating.
Even so, in some ways I didn’t trust the guy. Something sneaky about his eyes. The way they darted side to side before he spoke.

I knocked at the door. He opened. Jir looked surprised to see me.
I’m sorry for coming by so late but I needed to not go home.
Okay well come in. My home is yours.
Thanks. I appreciate it. I broke up with him today. I finally did, but he said no, and I backed out.

Jir put his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

And I don’t know what we talked about the rest of the night. It was a bunch of silly stuff, because he was trying to make me laugh so i wouldn’t feel bad anymore. And it was working. I was feeling a lot better. And then the atmosphere changed. He asked me what turned me on and then he said let me guess. He went silent for a long time. Words. You are turned on by words. He started to spout poetry and his mouth was getting closer to mine. Until he was inches from me and staring at me.
No. I can’t do this.
You’re not even dating anymore, or so you said today?
No I can’t do it. He. I am still with him.
Okay that’s fine. Here check this out. And he put a disc into his dvd player and turned on the tv. And he showed me the song I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! At The Disco. Which at the time seemed quite perfect to me at the time. At the break of dawn I had thanked him and headed home.




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