Pretty in White

I sat on a bench of a church. She was walking up the alter. Her face glittered with joy. And while watching her in her dress of white, thoughts of purity and goddess come to my head.
And I remembered the day in summer when we used to play, the spray of water touching the sky and kissing it.
And the day she cried in my arms when her boyfriend left her, and I suggested maybe she was looking at all the wrong guys, and maybe there was someone else nearby that she never even thought of.
And then the next year, I remember waiting for her to stop by but she had gotten so busy with college. And I had her picture in a frame by my bedside and I would tell her goodnight each night, and pray for her wherever she was.
Then one day she was back. She had grown quite a bit, in more ways then one, and I couldn’t speak much. She asked if I was alright. I excused myself to wash my face. I was fine I said as I returned to the room. “It’s been so long. You look great.” I told her. She smiled appreciatively, politely.
“This is important,” she paused, “I am getting married.”
“Oh.. you are?” My voice shot up in pitch anxiously.
“Yeah. I want you to be there. ”
“Oh well I would, I would do anything for you, you know that, but I can’t make it.”
“You’ve been my best friend for years. I really need to know you are there.” I give her a sulking look of a depressed dog but she persists.
“Okay. okay, I will.” Ever the sucker.
Her future husband had walked up to her. They were looking at each other and making lifelong promises to each other now. He held out a ring in front of her finger and her face shined.
I remember brushing aside her bangs and squeezing her tight when it was raining so hard that day, and we found a place to hide out in the alley. And she looked at me in the eyes. Her eyes staring me down, questioning me. Her fingers touched my shoulder and I kissed them and looked back at her. Then I kissed her hard. Her plump lips fell into mine for a second.
And then the break, she suddenly pulled from me, “What are you doing?” she asks. “I have a boyfriend, you know that.”
“I know I’m sorry I don’t know what got into me.” I say.
“I gotta go.”
“No no you can’t it’s raining so hard right now. Just come back please. I won’t do it again. I thought you wanted me to, you were looking at me like that.”
She shook her head, confused. Got up backwards, and tripped back and turned. Ran into the rain.
I started to get up and jog after her. My hand reaching out for her. Rain drenching me. “Please.” I called.
She turned her head and looked at me. “Please don’t follow me.” Her voice became cold as the rain.
After that I stopped hearing from her, I stopped hearing about how her days were, or what school was like.
6 months later she calls me out of nowhere. We start talking, as if nothing ever happened. I tell her I am so glad we are talking again. She get’s tense, “You know this wasn’t just hard for you.”
“What do you mean, this isn’t hard for you? It’s always been easy hasn’t? Cause you never really cared.”
“No no, it was never like that. You don’t know anything.”
“No I guess I don’t”
“Goodbye.” Her voice was bitter and she hung up.
I guess I was never good enough for her. This is for the best I guess. I don’t know why I even came, I twist my foot on the hard floor. She was never such a nice person anyway. I think.
Anyway I stopped having female friends. Tonight I am hanging out with my guy pals and getting completely wasted at a bar or two. Here’s to no more being around women who don’t even notice you.
They kiss and the room is filled with clapping.


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