Who Would You Marry?

What would you do?
What would your choice be?
The drum roll is on..

When you’re a girl in elementary you probably played a paper game that determined who your husband would be, what your house was like and how many babies you’d have. At least when I was we all played that game.
And when you’re envisioning the perfect partner what things do you think of? Maybe handsome, rich, nice. Things along these lines.
And maybe when you get in an arguement with your actualy flesh and blood husband you think back to your list you once had or think of someone else, that would be better. Or at least I have. In my defense we argue a lot. And he doesn’t like pets, and I do. And guess what? We have no pets. So he is the winner in almost all the arguements. So you can see why my mind may have strayed once or twice, to thoughts like: this could be much easier.
But actually just today I stopped to think about it, could it really? Say I started over with all the things I know now, and say I was fortunate enough that I could have anyone, would I? This is the exercise I participated in. (Fortunately my husbands not a mind reader otherwise I would have a permanent spot on the couch.)
Anyways, so I don’t normally, but I just let myself free associate in the most marriage reducing way as a sort of experiment. But I realized that well who Would I marry? Well I realized so what about money, beauty, and niceness? These are not a person’s soul. They are not what makes them interesting. Anyways, I will not beat around the bush. In the end I found that I chose my husband on account that we disagree so much and I figured that well, it’s interesting at least.
When we pick our own experiences, we always pick the easiest most pleasant things we can think of. But in reality how interesting is that? How real is that? I choose my husband cause he challenges me every day. And every once in a while it is even better, cause he leaves me alone for a little while and is just friendly, waiting to wage war in a day or so. So that I am grateful for too. Cause even war lords need downtime between battles.

What about you out there? Anyone been married for a while with stories to tell?

ring_Zoriana Stakhniv
picture by Zoriana Stakhniv on Unsplash



Saha’s #Writespiration Prompt this week…

Your challenge is to write your story using the weekly theme/prompt and write it in just 52 words…. EXACTLY, no more, no less.

Write about the day you ignored the ‘KEEP OUT’ sign.

The sign said, Keep off. I had to.
Grass so springy and green. Sirens coming. How did they know? I climb a fence, jump over and tumble, but he’s still behind chasing me. Catching me, he reaches my arm
He can’t have me cause I snap awake. “You’ll be back,” he shouts.

The Many Obstacles on an Art “Path”

What Makes Being An Artist Especially Challenging:

I think what makes being an artist so challenging is that in most occupations you just have to be good enough to pass the requirements. Because, unless it is a competitive field, there is enough jobs.
But I guess this goes for all competitive fields. But I think more so in art. Because in art you have to kind of prove you deserve it.
You cannot just make a pretty picture, it needs to be just about perfect in a variety of ways. You need a definite style that people can recognize as yours. So you do need to invent the wheel.
Then after all that you will probably need to be promoting yourself as well. It is this full life affair.
And then once someone ‘makes’ it, where they are finally recognized and then they don’t have to try so hard to sell a book or a poster, or whatever it is, then I feel like it must be a lot easier. At least then you can breathe for a moment cause things aren’t caving in on you at the moment at least.

Being An Art Student Has a Time Limit:

Then you have a time limit built in for how long it takes to learn enough before you are making money. That is true of course for everything. But again, there is a special truth in it for the arts. Because the arts is a love job. A job people do cause their souls call them. And yet there is so much to learn. And if the time limit is not served there will be more and more pressure to compromise.
So that’s the game. Being an artist, more then other professions is a gamble. But the worst for me at least, is the feeling I have gotten when telling my family I am trying to be an artist and then they think I am being selfish. Being an artist is probably a selfish job. But it feels terrible when people make you feel selfish for your choices.
Oh so you are not going to get a stable paycheck cause of some little dream you had that you can be great someday.
Why not get a job as a nurse’s assistant? Heard of job stability.

I am married, and my partner has worked while I stayed home with the kids..who just recently went to school. Now I am home a little while longer pursuing art. It is not the same as with my parents. The waiting for my greatness to come is more of a slow burn. But still the pressure is there just the same. And much worse with strangers, explaining what I am trying to do.
I wonder if I am coming on my own time limit. And what I would do instead.


What’s it Like Living With a Cook?

What’s it like living with a fine Cook:
(Based off an article I wrote on reddit with small changes.

Some people love to lay down big bucks for a 4 star restaurant to serve things they’d never spend the time or effort on at home. And some of these people may think that they would Loove to have a cook like that live with them and cook these foods for them every night. I am here to tell you, it’s not the cake walk that it seems. There are some downsides to living with a fabulous chef and I will tell you them.
My mother’s basically like a chef. She cooks foreign foods from over the world, and she spends hours and is very particular about each step, never making mistakes. Very exacting.
For one, lord have mercy on you if you walk in the kitchen if you’ve not been asked there or in otherwise are not given some invitation to be there.
Since you cannot pronounce it, and you cannot recognize it, you will have no idea what you’re eating some of the time. Like going in blind.
Three, you will be at times served weird food. You may have to eat it. My mother had a policy that if you didn’t eat dinner you didn’t eat anything else. And so some nights during weird or spicy food I did opt out and felt I would starve. Breakfast started in the afternoons on non school days. Fortunately i have lived to tell of it.
Four, you will grow up (if it is a parent), without ever knowing what white bread or a host of ‘normal’ foods are. They will not exist for you, except for at friends houses. You will shop with them and inquire about these foods, but said foods will never come into the house.
And lastly, if you ever have the occasion where the tables are turned and you are the host and must cook and they are trying your food, nothing you make, no matter how hard you try, will not disappoint. And they will give one look that will make you feel like the most worthless human in the world as if you never learned to tie your own shoes or couldn’t handle the simplest of humans tasks.
Just saying. Cooks can be pretty scary too. They are perfectionists. They have perfect taste, like perfect pitch and can spot a knock off 100 miles away. And they are tense when things aren’t going well in the kitchen. Walking to the store to get some herb that they forgot at the last minute is the least of your problems. Not sure you’d want to eat with one on an everyday basis. If you have doubts watch Gordon Ramsey for a while.

Hannibal tv show analysis

Analysis Of Hannibal the tv show: (Long, lot’s of very subtle things)

Why is Hannibals violence subdued:
two reasons that I think of. 1) they show Hannibal as extremely restrained. He in many ways is really very hard to read. For instance, I tried to follow what the cannibalism is like for him, based on his body language, but his reactions are very subdued. So they keep this up by not expressing the violence overtly. He is the subtle killer.
I think like the way he is portrayed to the characters as a gentler version of himself, in a people suit. Here to us, he is also presented as a gentler version. What makes this really crazy, is that there is a discontinuity that runs (at least in my head) as I know that there should be more evidence of motive. More lust, violence etc. Interestingly when i have watched documentaries of psychopaths though, I get the same feeling, that more should be on display. That I can’t help but feel charmed, but feel they could not do this horrible thing that they did (Dahmer for instance). And yet they did. So the psychopath is like an emotional illusion. It seems like something is there when nothing is.
Hannibal takes great care to do things in a beautiful display. Make beautiful food. Not be rude, but always have his best version of himself. It would not go with this image if they really showed the ugliness fully.
I think they hint at it if we look closely. Which I like, it becomes a puzzle in that way. I find his crudest kill display as Gideon, feeding Gideon himself. Not only is that sadistic, but the food is displayed in a gross way to me, as over large chunks of meat. Also the eye of god episode too is very sadistic too. Or like more clear of Hannibal’s evilness I think.
Mads says that he plays Hannibal different from Anthony as Anthony plays a psychopath in many ways. He plays a force of god. So then you have to think, what changes?
Well as a force it is not about the violence. It is about the force of nature. Being that force.
On another level this show is deeply trying to charm us as well, to get us looking and being on the side of the killer at least in this version. Both being extremely aesthetic and tying deep primal sexuality in a deep way to killing. Many of the violent scenes are also read in a sexual context as well.
On a symbolic level, when Beverly is trying to catch hannibal, Will says you have to look deeper to find the motivation. I believe the same can be said to us for understanding the show and the killer motives.

Antlers symbolism discovered while watching fan song
https://youtu.be/BjM2_F4B9Bk I noticed at .50 seconds during one of the smelling Will scene’s that Will is standing right behind antlers! As if they are going into him! (I don’t know if this is a coincidence, but that is really interesting to me if it is.) Also not as surprising as Hannibals room is red, they are surrounded by red in this scene. which could go with the antlers. In this case it would be akin to the scenes where Hannibal kills people by pushing antlers through them.

Wendigo a really dark creature. Endless appetite, all consuming. Very creepy. I found it interesting that Will grows antlers at one point in the tinier very claustrophobic prison cage and they were very big antlers. Also it was in a way like symbolically breaking out of his cage perhaps?
Also, another thing, with the black color of the wendigo, I did just take note that (again in a song) I saw a flash of in all black and someone else all blacked out after a perhaps symbolic killing. in the song Waltz for Lecter at 4:13 and 4:22 shows two blacked out people. And Alana goes black at a point. I am thinking Will does too. So the black seems like a direct influence from the Wendigo. Either bringing out their darkness, or just the aftermath of being in the presence of the Wendigo and the destruction left behind.

Some more symbolic stuff I just found: also at 2:25 of Waltz for Lecter song: Hannibal looks at a recipe for Lambs brains.. Which is an interesting reference to silence of the lambs.. eating the brains of people who are considered the innocent. And later in this series Will is referred to as The Wrath of the Lamb.
Wills monster I think may be related to fishing. Since there are a lot of dead fish around him.. And as I pointed out before, it’s weird cause in the wiki about his house, they call his house an aquarium and that he just takes in influences in a watery sort of way, pretty much saying he is symbolically a fish with his empathy. So that’s weird. Like he’s killing himself… or maybe killing his own kind when he fishes.

And Will and time seems to mean something as well… okay his brain disorder and not being able to write a clock… it’s a broken clock, as in trapped in time in some way or something like that. In his visions he sees a pendulum which is used to keep time. When reenacting the scene he is often seen going backwards, as if time is reversing. This is interesting cause Hannibal wants to be able to reverse time. So in a sense Will represents the things Hannibal wants and desires. To revert back to a better time and to be understood.

More laterHannibal - Season 3

Procrastinating is Fun Response


This is a super awesome video on procrastination… https://youtu.be/vML3KOQjtl0

This is my somewhat funny response to the procrastination video. Hopefully someone will relate to the deep issue of procrastination here and learn some ways to deal with it. And tell me what you do?

This is super awesome! 😀 Very nice video.. I never saw anyone celebrate procrastination like you seem to do… Which is weird.
Um.. I have a huge problem with procrastination. So that makes me like an expert on the subject.
well rerouting doesn’t always work. My mind knows it is just more work. So I relax and do no work for 15 minutes at a time! It feels Sooo lazy but good. Then I work. If I try to work every moment with diverting my mind starts hyper procrastinating ( i just made this word up, but I am sure no one wants to get in the dirtiness of this word)
Rerouting is the worst procrastination there is for me. I want to make money as a serious env artist. and I want to make an emotional masterpiece short animation that will likely bring in no money. Which one does my mind keep flocking to? The money-less one. My husband is so annoyed by this… It’s the second loved project factor.. Argh… no good answers.
Twitter/Email/Blog/etc procrastination. I think it’s because 3d work, and a lot of work i do is really antisocial stuff at times. Like I think I spend days in a super dark cave such is someone opens the door I shriek at the light. So i let this happen at times when I feel I need to connect in some way to know that I am not the last survivor of a post apocalyptic world.
Also procrastination can be due to fears that the work will suck Hard hard.. and I will want to kill myself..no not really.. just a little. just got to tell yourself the lie that it doesn’t really matter if its bad so you can keep going till it gets good.

The Violin Commenter

So I was on this youtube video listening to these beautiful different violins and at the end he says the one with the best comment will win this over 100,000$ in worth violin. https://youtu.be/1HotrHNXwpE So here was my entry:

The violin is an instrument with few that can tame. It is a marvel to listen to when played by the right hand. And those who can are given much deserved respect for playing the daunted thing.
In 6th grade I think or 8th maybe I went home smiling, expectant. I had a form in my hand that I handed and I made the case to my parents about why I wanted to play an instrument in school, sure they’d nod and say yes, that’s a fine thing to do. When they said no, I was surprised and confused. They told me how they couldn’t afford to rent an instrument, back and forth both parents making point after point on this. I had not thought of that till then, the expense of the instrument. I agreed and went to play outside, the hot sun shining on my face as i grabbed a ball. I thought, I’m not going to play an instrument at school. And I’m probably not going to see if I am really very good. My family won’t come to my performance, surprised that I really could play, that I really was talented, looking at me different afterwards. With respect.
That year several of my friends were in music class all with a different instrument. I was jealous. Like a piece from a puzzle I couldn’t figure out, it didn’t make sense why they were allowed to play, and their parents would go and see and be proud of them. But I swallowed this feeling also, and played in the sun, as that didn’t cost a thing.


Afterwards: It’s been a few weeks and the 100,000$ + violin has not come to me. So I assume someone else has won. I guess since I have never played (or probably not even held an actual violin), that’s probably fair.